Hiding in plain sight

I interrupt this important series on Identifying your Core Values to talk about something far more important.

Abortion.

I have wanted to be a writer since I was five years old. I have written millions of words over the last 35 years. I also thought that someday I would write a book. I just didn’t ever think that my story would be about my abortion.

As I think about the women I want to serve, I picture myself five, ten years ago and wonder if I would have bought my book? Would I EVER have picked up a book with the word “abortion” on it and taken it up to a counter?!?!?! What if the clerk saw the title and looked at me like I was a monster? What if someone I knew saw me? Then my secret would be out and my cover would be blown and then everybody in the world would know that I was one of the millions and millions of women who had made that choice.

There are many reasons to hide our true selves and having had an abortion has to be at the top of the list. An even greater reason to hide is when you had an abortion and called yourself a Christian when you did it. People seem to believe that those two words aren’t allowed to be in a sentence together – Christian and abortion. At least not when it’s the Christian HAVING the abortion and not just protesting about it. But, some recent studies reveal that more than 50% of women who choose that option claim to be religious in some way.

Imagine that.

Women sitting in your church pews.

Women attending your Bible Studies.

Women caring for your children in the nursery.

Women chatting with you in the pick-up line, as you wait for your kids.

Women holding your hand, praying for you in small group.

Women serving next to you in ministry.

Women who look like you.

Women who act like you.

Women like me.

My fear right now is that a reader won’t ever pick up a book like mine, a gift that will help her feel seen and understood and known. It makes me so sad to think that she will be afraid of someone seeing her and discovering her secret that she will continue to suffer in silence and shame, terrified that her whole faith community would reject her if they knew her story.

Would you?

Would you welcome someone if they shared their abortion story with you? Could you be a safe place for them? Would you judge them? Would you believe yourself better than them, more righteous than them, because YOU had never made that choice? Would you question their relationship with God because of their past? Would you wonder how they could possibly love their children now after having aborted a previous pregnancy? Would you look at them with the love of Christ and speak grace and truth over them? Would you tell them that shame is a lie and we can walk in freedom because of the cross? Would you say anything at all or simply listen and then say, “Wow, that must have been hard. I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you so much for trusting me with that. Ok, so now, what do you want to do for lunch, my friend?”

It hurts my heart that we, the church, have made these women – women like me – afraid to be seen. That they are hiding in churches, in plain sight, all over the world, and yet cannot be fully known because we have made it clear that abortion is NOT a topic the church wants to deal compassionately with. Oh, there are exceptions, certainly, but the majority of women protect their secrets for a reason. Death threats, isolation, rejection… all in the name of Jesus.

Today, ask whether you can be a safe place for secrets like these. Can you carry compassion in your heart for these women and withhold your judgment? Can you hear their stories and cry for THEM not just for the babies? Can you be part of a positive change in this world, where women can feel free to seek the help and comfort they need instead of hiding in shame and fear?

Please say yes.

We all desperately need you to say yes.