Identifying your core values – Step 2
This is a 5-part series on how to identify your core values. I am defining a core value as a primary motivating factor that influences your decisions in every area of your life. Please note that this is not a process whereby you just pick a value you want to focus on. No. This is about looking at what is already there – the values that influence your decisions, often subconsciously. If you are just stumbling upon this, you can read my first post in the series and then start working on Step 1.
If you are following along with me, I hope you had a chance to work on those 5-7 stories I talked about in Step 1. Now we are going to put those stories to work!
YOUR TASK – Name and Summarize the various factors you considered important, as revealed by your stories
Go ahead and take out your first story. You can look at my example below.
Now, you are going to go through your story and consider what values/concerns/desires factored into your example. This is not a perfect science, it may take you a little while to isolate the exact desire/concern you were considering. For example, researching for a new house to buy instead of just letting your realtor send you properties indicates that you might like having a sense of control or independence over your choices. Or volunteering to host a presentation for work may suggest that you were thinking about achievement or attention in your career. Something like moving may trigger all kinds of thoughts about school choices, what your commuting time will be like, how close to entertainment you’ll be, etc. These are the factors you want to take note of.
Here is my example from Step 1:
My husband really loves cooking thanksgiving dinner. He hates traveling at that time and with 3 little kids, we decided it was just easier to stay at home. But there’s always so much food
Now, here is my example with my notations about the factors and elements I was considering when making all of my decisions and actions.
My husband really loves cooking thanksgiving dinner. He hates traveling at that time and, with 3 little kids, we decided it was just easier to stay at home.(FAMILY; EASE/CONVENIENCE) But there’s always so much food left over, we decided we wanted to invite some friends to share the meal with us. (COMMUNITY) We thought about which friends we knew who either didn’t typically celebrate thanksgiving or didn’t have family in town, and so might be willing to join us. (CONNECTION; COMMUNITY; HOSPITALITY) I sent them text messages and asked if they would like to come for dinner. (CONVENIENCE; HOSPITALITY) I had read a blog post about how to do a better turkey, so I printed out the recipe and added it to our pile of Thanksgiving Day notes. (KNOWLEDGE; NEED TO BE PREPARED) The week leading up to Thanksgiving, I tried to do as much stuff ahead of time as possible. (TIME; NEED TO BE PREPARED) I didn’t want people to be sitting around waiting for the food to come out or for the food to all come out at different times so that some items got cold before the meal was all ready. (TIME; MAKING GOOD IMPRESSION; HOSPITALITY) I knew I wouldn’t have time to make homemade biscuits, so I bought the cans of Pillsbury dough. I also knew it would be easier to just have ready-made pies. (CONVENIENCE; TIME) The day before Thanksgiving, I spent the entire day cleaning the house and setting up the tables. I wanted it to be pretty, but I also wanted our friends to feel welcome and like this was something special. (HOSPITALITY) I wanted them to see that we could pull this off and have it be GOOD. (MAKING GOOD IMPRESSION) When everyone arrived, I was super stressed out and nervous and couldn’t relax. I wanted to just set up the party and then leave for everyone else to enjoy it! (SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY; NEED FOR SOLITUDE) I was so worried about everything turning out perfectly, that it was hard for me to just sit down. (NEED TO FEEL ACCEPTED) I couldn’t tell if people were enjoying themselves. Because WE were the ones hosting, because WE had invited them, I felt a huge responsibility to make sure everything was perfect. (SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY) I knew that the better thing would be to relax and just appreciate the food and friendship, but I couldn’t shake the fear that it wasn’t turning out exactly as I wanted – or good enough for everyone else to be glad they came. (DESIRE FOR COMMUNITY, ACCEPTANCE)
So, in this story, these were the primary factors I considered, the things I felt most concerned about: family; convenience; connection; community; hospitality; knowledge; need to be prepared; time; making a good impression;
You will need to complete this exercise for each of the 5-7 stories you completed in Step 1. Hopefully – and most likely – you will begin to see a pattern: That, no matter what you do, there are a couple of things that are always primary considerations for you when you make a decision or take some action in your life.
In Step 3, we will look at all of these factors and start really dialing in on what is driving us.
