Book Review: “Shame Off You” by Denise Pass
“At the heart of our relationships is this craving for acceptance, but our mind is where the battle takes place – whether or not we will silence shame or listen to it.”
~ Denise Pass
Brene Brown is one of our generation’s most important voices. Her work on shame and vulnerability has changed my life and millions of others. I so appreciate how she has brought these topics into the national conversation and lifted some of the stigma from them. I think it’s because of her that women like Denise Pass can also enter the conversation and talk about Shame and its affects on Christians.
In “Shame Off You,” Denise Pass shares the story of discovering that her husband has been sexually abusing their children. Now “the wife of a child molester” she struggles with the shame that’s been heaped upon their family from her husband’s acts, the resulting divorce, and the on-going court battle that ensued. A christian, she sought comfort and understanding in their church yet felt turned away and further shamed when the church didn’t want to get involved in such a messy situation.
The book covers more incidents like this – where the shame you are experiencing isn’t necessarily caused by anything you do. She describes how embarrassed she was to have a chocolate stain on the seat of her white pants; her credit card being declined at the grocery store; and driving around in a beat-up dump of a truck. All instances most of us can relate to. She lays out a bibical approach of how we can escape from shame’s clutches by focusing on God’s truth, humbling ourselves before Him, and accepting the grace He will so readily give.
The real value of the book shines through in her reflection questions and short devotions at the end of each chapter. Her encouragement and guidance on naming and claiming our shame helps us recognize all the different ways we experience it and can free ourselves from its grip.
Understanding shame and it’s affects in our lives is some of the hardest, but most valuable work we can do for our souls. So many of our actions and attitudes can be driven by shame. We think we’re just frustrated at our kids when they act out in the grocery store, but how much of our frustration is due to worrying about what others will think of us? Or maybe we are annoyed with our husband in the morning because, deep down, we are really ashamed that the pants we wanted to wear that day no longer fit. Everyday, any number of our decisions could be motivated by shame and the need to hide it.
I really wanted to like this book more than I did. Her stories were relatable and her illustrations from scripture were on point, but there was a lot of repetition and I often felt like I was just reading different versions of the same thing.
But, any soulful consideration of the role shame plays in our lives, especially when viewed through a bibical lens, is worthy of your time. That’s why I would recommend Denise’s book to others. She walks you through naming and understanding the shame that deeply affects us, and how we can release ourselves by focusing on who God says we are.
Shame is effective at causing us to forget our {God-given} identity… The enemy wants to keep us distracted from our true identity because there is nothing more powerful than a soul surrendered to the identity of Christ.
~ Denise Pass, “Shame Off You,” pg. 183.
