Don’t be a Booby

In 2010, my husband and I sailed across the Pacific Ocean on his 40 foot sailboat. We had been out at sea for a few days when we noticed a lone bird sitting in the water, following behind our boat.

Since I had our fishing lines out, I reeled them in, worried that I was going to entangle the bird. Shortly after, he took to flight, and landed on the top of our mast. “Awww… look!” I said, pointing him out to Matt. “He’s taking a rest on our boat!”

“Great,” my husband said sarcastically, staring up at the bird, “Now we’re going to end up with bird crap all over the deck.”

Oof. I hadn’t thought about that.

The bird was a Booby. It didn’t have blue-feet, but nevertheless, it was one of the most annoying creatures a sailor could have on his boat. Boobies are notorious for latching onto a sailboat out in the middle of nowhere and using it as a home-base until they’re ready to fly into the great unknown. They are also known for stealing fish off your lines and pooping all over everything. They are also frustratingly stubborn.

“What are we going to do?” I asked, still looking up at the bird, awkwardly perched 30 feet up.

“We have to get him off the boat.” Matt starts looking around for something we could throw at it.

Hours later, we have tried everything we can think of to dislodge the bird. We’ve raised and lowered sails, tried to scare him by poking at him with the whisker pole, throwing random stuff up at him… and the bird just moves from one spot to another, fluttering its wings every once in a while as it dodges our efforts, clinging onto the boat, refusing to let go.

Back in 2002, I didn’t have blue feet either, but I acted an awful lot like a Booby. It was a rough time in life for me. My parents had sold my childhood home and left off to travel full-time in an RV. Only a few months in, my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had to have major surgery, with only a 5 year life-expectancy, at most. I had left my first job to return to school part-time and I was living out of my boyfriend’s parent’s house, trying to find work in a new town. I was an emotional wreck, but understandably so.

My boyfriend at the time was not exactly supportive. A lay-priest within his church, he was really good at meeting the emotional and physical needs of others, but he expected me to buck-up and never display any need whatsoever. As a christian, it was assumed that I shouldn’t need anyone but God, and if I did, well, that was a problem. He regularly rejected my romantic advances, never comforted me while I cried, and had me constantly wondering whether I was important to him at all. Yet, I clung to him like my life depended on it. Everything in my life was falling apart and, although our relationship was confusing, he was the only stable thing I knew.

With pointed looks, snide comments, little pricks here and there, he tried to dislodge me from his life. When ignoring me didn’t work, he became outright evasive, not returning calls or texts, lying to me about why he hadn’t been home when he said he would. And, as much as I’m embarrassed to admit this, I continued to pursue him. I continued to ride that boat long after it was made clear that I was annoying, unwanted, and shamefully stubborn.

After I finally got the courage to call it quits with the boyfriend, I had to sneak back into his house to retrieve my cat. As I pulled her out from under his desk, my hand brushed a piece of paper. It was a poem he had written to another woman – ending with a marriage proposal. I was devastated. It had been less than two months since we’d broken up. I knew who this woman was, I’d heard them talking on the phone, I’d seen her at events, but I hadn’t known that this was what was going on. I was ashamed, embarrassed, angry at myself for being so stupid.

In the end, it wasn’t Matt and I that dislodged the Booby from our sails. A churning sea and no wind left our boat rocking violently back and forth in the waves. It apparently became too uncomfortable for the bird and he took to the sky, never to be seen again.

Boobies cling to a sailboat because they have no where else to go. Out on the open ocean, there are no rocks, no beaches, nowhere to rest. The sailboat stands as a life-preserver, a safe haven for when your wings are too tired to go on and you long for a dry place to land.

We all have our shelters – those people and relationships we turn to when we’re feeling out of sorts. Often the relationships we mean to be a source of temporary safety can end up lasting longer than we intended them to. Sometimes we cling to them stubbornly, refusing to let go, even when it’s clear that we are no longer wanted or welcome there.

But here’s the thing about Boobies – even though they may hang onto your boat, they are made to fly hundreds of miles. They are made to soar! They are exclusively a marine bird – they don’t really need land at all except to lay their eggs and raise their young.

I know that there are times in life when we need a place to stay, a friend or lover to cling to. But, don’t be a Booby. Don’t stay when the relationship is falling apart. Don’t stubbornly hold on when you are unwanted and unwelcome. Don’t let your fear of letting go keep you from setting yourself free.

You are made to fly.

You are made to soar.

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

~Isaiah 40:31

Are there relationships or other things in your life that you are afraid to let go of even though they’re no longer healthy for you? Are you clinging to something other than the cross? What are you afraid of?