God is not waiting for you to fail
In the book, “Different” by Sally and Nathan Clarkson they share about their mother/son journey as they came to terms with Nathan’s multiple mental health diagnoses. In one of Nathan’s sections, he describes his experience of auditioning for a music scholarship despite not having any real experience in music and not nearly as much talent as some of the other participants. In the surprise of the night, he performs and receives a standing ovation. Reflecting on this moment, he writes this,
“I think God is out there in the dark, right past the spotlight, watching me perform this song called life. He knows I’m underqualified, scared, not good enough, not even normal. But I don’t think He’s waiting for mistakes or counting the mess-ups. I think He’s a parent waiting to jump to His feet in applause.” (Different, p. 207, 208).
When I read this, it made me wonder: do I believe God is like a proud parent? That He is (in a way) eagerly cheering me on in life? The Bible does support the notion that God is for us, and that He wants us to spiritually succeed at those plans He has for us. This doesn’t necessarily mean His view of “success” is the same as ours… far be it! Nor does this mean that He defines success in the same terms we do. A “successful” Christian life can be an otherwise mundane, quiet existence, or it could be a faithful follower experiencing great suffering. But when we step out in faith to honor a gift God has given to us or serve Him in a way He has called us to, I do believe there will be spiritual blessings.
But, I often live my life as if someone is waiting for me to make a mistake and recording all the times I mess up. In my professional world, I have an irrational fear that the slightest mishap will result in a claim filed against me, professional consequences, and ultimately the personal financial destruction of my family. In my personal life, I try really hard to not make others upset and to avoid all confrontation. I will usually sweep any number of offenses under the rug in an attempt to prevent someone from claiming I ever accused them or hurt their feelings. And in all of life, I fear that if someone knew the real me, no one would want to know me at all. With God, I can be so focused on trying to please Him that I miss out on the significance and reality of our relationship.
When I step out in faith, these days, I have an expectation of failure. Hanging over me is a “certainty” that it just isn’t going to work out; that I’m going to fall flat on my face for all to see; and who am I to ever think something like this could work? This short passage in the book made me stop and question the truth of my perceptions.
Is God waiting for me to fail?
Do I truly believe He is waiting for me to make a mistake?
Or do I believe that, like a proud earthly father might be, He is delighted in my feeble efforts and standing in applause? AND that He will be waiting for me, caring for me, when I do fall?
Jesus said that He came to give us LIFE and LIFE ABUNDANT. True Life is found solely in Him and I believe that consists of using the talents and gifts He has given us and contributing to the world for His glory. If Jesus came to give us life, why do I still walk around as though God is waiting for me to fail? (spoiler alert: we have all already failed. Nothing new there. Hence, the need for Christ!) And, if the disciples can royally screw up and still be received with grace and mercy, why shouldn’t I believe there is hope for me, too?
The other question then becomes, whose applause am I living for? God may be pleased that I am stepping out in faith, but is He the only One I am seeking to please? All too often the answer is no. It is hard to deny our selfish ambitions and ignore the rest of the world. When I am living in fear, all I can think about is what everyone else might be thinking! When I am too focused on self, all I can think about is what’s in it for me? But when I am entrenched in His word and immersed in prayer, I can be confident about the direction I’m headed and suddenly the only thing that matters is whether God is smiling down on me.
It’s true that our relationships with our earthly fathers can make a huge impact on our view of God. This is true for me. My dad had an unpredictable temper. It could rage at the slightest mistake or slip-up, or he could laugh it off. You never really knew what would make him lose it. I don’t blame him for my fear of failure, but I do think my childhood contributes to my difficulty in accepting that God isn’t scrutinizing my every step, waiting for me to mess up. Yes, I will be held accountable for my words and actions, but accountability is different than accusation.
No matter what our circumstances, God is for us. NOTHING can separate us from His love. Nothing! He is not waiting for us to make a mistake or to mess up. He already sent His son to pay for all our sins! In Christ, we are new creations! Paul explains, “But now he (God) has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel.” Colossians 1:22-23. He later adds, “And you …God made alive together with him, having forgiven us of all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 3:13-15).
We are perfect before God, through the blood of Christ. End of story.
God is not scrutinizing our every move, waiting for us to make a mistake or mess up. He KNEW that we would make mistakes and sin against Him, and He sent Jesus as payment for that debt. Now all of our failings have been nailed to the cross. And when we embrace the truth of this and walk forward in the confidence and hope we have in Christ, I believe there is applause in Heaven.
Do you struggle to believe that God loves you just as you are? Do you feel like He is waiting for you to mess up? Do you see God as accusing you instead of holding you accountable? How does your relationship with your earthly father affect or influence your relationship with God?
