Forgiveness, for when you’ve really screwed up

In Matthew 18:21, Peter asks Jesus one of his famous questions, “How many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” And Jesus responds, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

I have read this passage numerous times and today I saw something new. This is what I love about scripture…

The immediate, obvious point of this exchange is that forgiveness is important and we need to forgive because we have been forgiven of much, as demonstrated by Jesus’ following parable.

But, this time, I had a different thought about Jesus’ answer: how comforting for Peter.

Peter – the disciple who denied Jesus three times as Jesus was being led away to his death. Peter, who was asked, “Do you know this man?” and he shook his head and turned his back on Christ.

It would have been so easy for Peter to have fallen into the pit of guilt and despair after Jesus died. It would have been the natural attitude to have felt like there was no way for him to come back from such shame and deception.

I mean, really, what a hypocrite.

He had been following Jesus for three years! Living with Him, learning from Him, becoming one of Jesus’ closest friends. Like a brother.

And then, in Jesus’ darkest moment, Peter turned his back on Him, an ultimate rejection of this man whom Peter had known and loved…and acknowledged as the Son of God.

I imagine Peter laying in bed that night, grieving Jesus, but also plagued by his own denials, feeling like the biggest jerk ever and like an idiot – he who had vehemently said that he would never deny Jesus, embarrassingly proved wrong. Had word spread? Had the other disciples heard that Peter had claimed to not know Jesus? After all the drama with Judas, now Peter, the one whom Jesus had praised and brought to the transfiguration, Peter, one of the stalwarts among the disciples, was now the black sheep of the group…

Peter, laying there in his bed, maybe praying and begging God to forgive him, suddenly remembers.

“Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?”

Jesus saith unto him, “I do not say to you seven times: but, seventy-seven times.”

Oh, the comfort! Peter has sinned against Jesus, and on the worst night of Jesus’ life, and yet Jesus, knowing the future, knowing that Peter would deny Him, Jesus gave Peter the wonderful promise that there would always be forgiveness.

Sometimes I can feel like forgiveness has run out. I do not keep sinning so that grace “may abound” but it is just our reality that life is full of sin, and to an extent, so am I. When I keep failing, especially when I fall into the same sin over and over and over and over again, I can feel like there’s no point in asking for forgiveness. How can Jesus forgive me when I still keeping doing the same thing? I feel ashamed and embarrassed and like I have used up all of God’s patience and mercy.

But thank God for the example of Peter. Throughout the gospels, I feel like Peter represents all of us: Stepping out to follow Christ, only to lose focus and faith and fall flat on his face, completely dependent on Jesus to save him; confident in his understanding of who Jesus is one minute and then rebuked as a tool of Satan the next; passionately defending Jesus and standing firm for Him, then hiding and furtive, denying his association with this controversial man.

Jesus’ response to Peter should give us all hope. Hope and confidence that we can always ask forgiveness and it will always be given. Even when we are at the end of our rope and feel like we couldn’t have failed worse if we had tried, Jesus extends His hands and shows us the scars and says, “this was for you.”

He knew! Jesus KNEW that Peter was going to deny Him. He even knew how quickly it would happen… that Peter would have multiple chances to change his answer, and yet he would deny Jesus again and again and again over the course of a day.

In telling Peter to forgive seventy-seven times, Jesus was promising him that forgiveness knows no bounds. That, no matter how many times a brother sins against you, you forgive.

Jesus did not have to be forgiven of anything. He was perfect. He knew no sin and no sin was in Him. Yet, in the parable He offers Peter, he compares the kingdom of heaven to a king who forgives his servant of a great debt. While Jesus does not need to be forgiven, He is the ultimate forgiver. He values forgiveness and reconciliation more than any of us ever could.

He died for it.

In Matthew 26:28, Jesus tells his disciples, “this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for the forgiveness of sins.” in Ephesians 1:7, Paul reminds us again, “In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace…”

No matter what has happened in your life, there is forgiveness. Even in the darkest moment, when you fear that you can never apologize enough or have committed the greatest wrong, there is forgiveness. For that thing you have done, that thing that haunts your thoughts, drowns you in shame, or makes you wish you didn’t exist, there is forgiveness.

As always, our job is to repent, to see the need for forgiveness, and to recognize our role in the offense. That is not easy to do. Oh my goodness, that is not easy to do!!! Usually the hard part for me is not asking for forgiveness but repenting in the first place. I want to hold onto my sin, to my own sense of justice and righteousness. I want to indulge my selfishness and my anger. God knows this, of course. But breaking through that into forgiveness is truly like being freed from prison. Prying apart those bars can be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but the fresh air in your lungs and the weight off your chest is worth the struggle.

There is forgiveness waiting for you on the other side.

And power.

After Jesus’ resurrection, Peter did not stay in darkness. He did not wander around defeated or depressed or berating himself by thinking about what an idiot he was, what an awful person, what a hypocrite, what a liar, what a worthless disciple and friend he had turned out to be…

In John 21, we see a beautiful scene between the resurrected Jesus and Peter. When Peter realizes its Jesus on the shore, he jumps into the water and runs to Him. Later, Jesus gives Peter three opportunities to reassure Jesus of his love. Peter feels humbled and hurt anew by his denials, but there is no denying that Jesus has completely forgiven Peter and reassured him of Jesus’ love.

At the end, Jesus looks to Peter and says, “feed my sheep,” and “follow me.” Peter goes on to establish a church in Rome and lay the foundation for the church in other areas. AND then, he is crucified upside down because of his commitment to his faith.

Peter did not waste the blood of Christ by wallowing in his sin or sinking into the depths of despair over his mistakes.

He returned to Jesus. He surrounded himself with his Christ-following friends. He affirmed his relationship with Christ. He gloried in the forgiveness offered to him. He shared that same forgiveness with others.

There are hundreds of opportunities every day to feel bad about ourselves and to feel like we have failed. We could spend out entire lives beating ourselves up over the mistakes we have made and the wrong things we have done. But don’t do it! Don’t waste the blood of Christ! Let His forgiveness wash over you and glory in it. Then go out and share His love – and His forgiveness – with others.

Are there things in your life that seem beyond forgiveness? Are you allowing those things to sink you further into despair or depression or anger? or Are you holding onto an offense for which YOU need to offer forgiveness? How can you follow Peter’s example and revel in the blood of Christ and the riches of His grace?